I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
