I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
