i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
