i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
