gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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