Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
