i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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