there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
