dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
even my farts smell like vagina
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize