party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
