You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
