Do you still have your period?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
