I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
