when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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