Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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