he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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