I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
