I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
