i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
