so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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