he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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