Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is that strawberry winking at me??
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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