so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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