i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
