Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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