Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
