Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
