this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
that is very illegal...i love you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
