Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
