she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
