So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
