I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
