I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
