My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
