We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
