My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
