When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
