dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
