My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
