trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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