I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
