Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
