Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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