first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
