It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
