haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
