dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
