foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
