wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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