i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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