Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
