it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
