if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
