I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I didn't shave. On purpose
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
