Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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