She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize