Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
