Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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