Are we in a gay sports bar?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
