Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
