Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
