So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
