using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
