I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
