just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
