the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
