Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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