Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize