I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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