You just made me feel so damn special
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
