How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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