I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
