It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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