Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
