Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize