OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
