did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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