the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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