is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
