Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you win again, gameday.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize