I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
