Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize