It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
