Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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