She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
