Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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