Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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