I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
