Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
