id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
