he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
