I didn't shave. On purpose
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
