ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
