Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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