I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
