I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize