After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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