I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize