Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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