Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
