You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
