That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
