Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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