yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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