you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
