somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
