This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well you can't waste a boner
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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