Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
