it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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