textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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