I want to walk on stilts...naked
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
